I received these beautiful flowers for my white coat from the hip and happenin' boyfriend for my University of California, San Francisco Pharmacy School White Coat Ceremony. If you are itching to know where they are from, please check them out: Ampersand SF (they do delivery too)!
Starting pharmacy school is the reason I haven't posted in the past couple of months! I vowed to myself to always make time for the things I loved (including photography and this blog), but the entire process kinda got delayed when midterms season hit (dude I can't believe I'm back to complaining about midterms again). Getting back into the groove of studying, extra-curriculars, and even making friends has been crazy and I'm definitely feelin' the craziness of student life again.
Transitioning has always been rough for me. I love adventure, exploring new things, but I really hate moving into new life stages. Because I walked into pharmacy school so unsure of whether or not I wanted to even head down this path (I still sit there and wonder this all the time), I had trouble investing into anything involving the school. I found myself wanting to leave right after class, lacking motivation to study, half-heartedly sit through informational sessions, and I even found it difficult to invest into people. That last one challenged me a lot. I didn't feel like myself. A wise friend (a UCSF classmate actually) described, I felt so afraid of losing everything (a job, free time to travel and blog, etc) I had that it kept me from looking forward and seeing the field of opportunities that God placed in front of me.
I've been feeling stuck lately. Just looking forward and ahead and constantly feeling unsatisfied. Stuck in terms of my career and future, in terms of my spiritual life, and community searching. I wonder sometimes whether that feeling is because I am not on the right path or because I'm lacking the ability right now to be thankful for where I am at (everyone won't stop reminding me that UCSF one of the top schools in the nation for pharmacy whenever I bring this up). But I constantly keep having to tell myself that if my eyes and heart and in the right place, forward and ahead following God, then I'm headed towards along a path with purpose. I just can't stop myself from asking, where is the fulfillment? Where is the adventure? Maybe it is in patient interactions that are to come in the future, or maybe it's simply within this school with my classmates/colleagues, or maybe I'm just not being thankful enough, but some part of me won't stop aching for something more.
I always imagined graduate school to be completely different than undergrad. In some ways I feel like, but in other ways I don't. Starting next quarter we start to have IPPES (Introductory Pharmacy Practice Experiences aka on-site internships), which makes things a little more hands on, and we won't simply be sitting and listening to lectures / studying all day. I am excited to say that I am now certified and have administered both intramuscular and subcutaneous immunization shots! You would think poking it through the skin would be the hardest/scariest part, but nah, for me it was actually deploying the needling (pushing the solution into the body) that freaked me out. As I was pushing I was suddenly met with resistance (simply because the solution is dispersing slowly through the muscle) but after administering the first one, I understood and adapted real quick. Another few students also hit bone when pushing in the needle (eep!), but don't worry, the patient can't feel it. We've also learned about how to counsel for over the counter heartburn and smoking cessation questions, and soon constipation and diarrhea as well! I've already gotten some questions regarding the topics above, and getting to discuss what I've learned has actually been kind of fun! We have these tests called "OSCE"s where you walk into a room with a prompt only 10 minutes before and go in an counsel a patient on particular disease states/medications. It's a very dynamic way of testing and it's kind of scary haha but it's actually been pretty fun so far! I am also seemingly weirdly excited (in comparison to my classmates) to handle and learn from cadavers next quarter in our anatomy course!
Thank you for this space where I can be honest in documenting my journey and my thoughts. For now, as I myself am striving for this, I encourage you all to continue live a life that overflows from being thankful for what you have. Keep your eyes fixed on what is truly important, what truly moves you and inspires you (for me it's God's love, find yours!).
Despite the crazy transitioning, I've definitely met so many amazing people <3 Meet a few of the pharmacy faces that have made this quarter a whole lot more fun so far (missing so many people)!